


I'm Ace

by Shugarplumps



Category: 999: Nine Hours Nine Persons Nine Doors - Fandom, Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Good Guy Gentarou, I finished at Midnight, Mention of Murder (Axe End), really bad jokes, this sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7213540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shugarplumps/pseuds/Shugarplumps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few moments of the Nonary Game, except in a world where Ace is actually just a nice guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Ace

**Author's Note:**

> I submitted to Zeroescapeaus on Tumblr with an AU where Ace was a nice guy and told dad jokes. I decided to actually write something for it! I'm only mildly sad that I now have 'dad jokes' in my search history. So... Enjoy!

Junpei found himself running his tongue over his teeth as his eyes ran over all of the items he'd found throughout the Captain's Quarters. It was obvious to unscrew the music box, but past that, he couldn't really make heads or tails of it. The boy leaned against the wooden desk and observed the objects very carefully.

Half this stuff could do anything. Maybe he was suppose to fix the broken lamp or the faulty clock or something! The college age boy let out a sigh and stepped back, running a hand through his hair as he felt sweat dripping down his face. The situation was stressful enough without constant puzzles.

"Okay, well, I'm all out of ideas." He commented, catching the attention of the older man who was looking over the telegraph machines. A short snort of laughter escaped him, causing Junpei to turn, catching the amused smile tossed his direction. Whatever he was smiling about, he had no idea. Junpei couldn't tell what was so funny about -

"Hello all out of ideas, I'm Ace."

Silence fell between them, causing the whole room to pause for a moment. Ace was greeted with an expression that was one part surprise and two parts disappointment. Only a dash of amusement sparkling in Junpei's eyes as he suddenly hit his hand against the desk.

"Okay, why don't  _you_ do the puzzle then!?"

\- -

Ace had just returned to the large hospital room after spending a while of their short timespan searching an entirely too large hallway of rooms for parts for the REDs for the numbered doors. The same ones in the room he entered. Stepping into the room that was crowded with beds, his eyes quickly caught the sight of... pink.

Looking over, the older man saw the young girl he'd come to know as Clover sitting silently on one of the beds, her eyes staring holes into the floor under her heeled feet. Ace wasn't sure what exactly to do, but he decided that what he needed to do was something. Something to cheer her up.

It wasn't hard to tell what she was upset over, after all. The holder of the number one bracelet stepped over and listened as the bed creaked and dipped under his weight. He offered a shaking smile, and took a breath. 

"I might not have gotten much of a chance to talk to him, but I can tell Snake isn't likely to just vanish. Still, I bet he's going to turn up soon. He'll come _slithering_ right back." A moment of silence where he waited for a response, yet didn't get one. He spoke again, glancing around the room. 

"I might not be very good with consoling people - especially children - and I might not be good at reading people, but Snake will come back. His love for you made him stubborn."

Then, quietly, she spoke up. "What if... What if he's dead?" She asked, her voice shaking.

Ace, despite himself, laughed quietly. 

"Snake couldn't find the light to go towards even if he wanted to."

\-- --

 "Well, I'm going to go look around." Lotus said, turning away and starting to head elsewhere, trailed by the clicking of her shoes. "Wait, why? Where?" Junpei called after her as he stood nearby to the elevator.

The rest of their group, besides the three who were there - Junpei, Lotus, and Ace - had gone down the elevator to explore the final unexplored room on the entire ship. The only other one left was the nine door, which would allow them to escape.

Still, Lotus didn't even look over her shoulder as she continued to walk away. "To find the ladies room. Probably not an interesting adventure for two guys, so just wait for the others! I'll be back!" Then, she turned a corner and vanished from view. Silencing any rebuttals he had.

"Well... It seems it's just the two of us now, Junpei." Ace said, leaning against the wall nearby to the elevator. Junpei leaned against the wall across from him, throwing a comment back to him.

"Isn't that a song? Just the two of us?" Ace hummed in thought for a second, before nodding. "I believe so."

The rest of their conversations were complete filler as the clock ticked by, waiting for the group far below them to come back from their expedition so they can all leave.

"I'm just saying, would it be hard to train a ferret to sneak past airport security? I've never had one." Junpei said, and Ace thought about the question. "Have you ever been through airport security? It's -" The doors to the elevator opened, and the two of them turned to look at it.

Only to find just Clover step out.

It wasn't long after that when Junpei was kneeing on the floor, a variety of numbered bracelets in front of him and Ace standing next to where he was. Clover in front of them with a bloody axe and a bloody smile.

"Wait, Clover." Ace suddenly said, the two moving their attention to him. "Before you do anything, I have to...  _Axe_ you a question." Despite the situation, Junpei laughed, quickly joining in.

"Yeah, Clover. Your plan was actually really good... How did you  _hatchet?_ " Junpei said, getting a smile from Ace.

"Now that was  _cleaver._ " He said, snapping and pointing a finger down at Junpei, who snapped and pointed back up at him. Exchanging smiles in even a dire situation.

Clover glared her eyes down and tightened her grip on the woods handle of the axe, causing Junpei to sigh.

"I guess we should probably get to the  _point._ "

Next to him, Ace laughed softly. The last thing that Junpei registered was Ace smiling gently down at him, and the words "I like you, Junpei. You've got a  _sharp_ mind."

\--- ---

Junpei groaned as he walked back up to the control panel of the Pushmaster in the Cargo Room. Santa was still there, fiddling with the screen trying to get an idea of what he was supposed to do when he heard the other. Glancing behind him, he sighed.

"Did he make some horrible joke?" Santa asked, and Junpei nodded as he walked up next to him. "I told him the machine was called the Pushmaster, and he asked me if there was a Pushunderling too."

Santa rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know. His jokes rival yours in how horrible they are." quickly, Junpei jumped to defend himself.

"Excuse me, my jokes are  _hilarious._ " Santa seemed to ignore him as he continued talking, eyes scanning the screen and not even looking in Junpei's direction. "I was searching the kitchen with the guy, I know how his jokes are."

"I asked if we had gotten everything of importance to solve the puzzle, and he said, I kid you not, 'Everything but the kitchen sink.' I thought Lotus was going to slap him." 

\---- ----

As everyone stood in the room with both of the number nine doors, they tried to figure out what would get all of them out the most efficiently. However, even with time almost up, it seemed they had enough to waste some of it on something almost - or perhaps just really - ridiculous.

"Well, I was thinking..." Ace began, which prompted a response from Junpei who was standing nearby with his arms crossed.

"I thought I heard something burning." He said, not attempting to hide his comment in the slightest. 

Ace looked over at him, Junpei standing proudly, when Ace laughed softly. "Was that a challenge?" He asked, and Junpei shrugged with the faintest of smirks on his face.

"Maybe."

A moment of silence passed, before Ace raised his head high. "A ham sandwich walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender said, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.' "

Junpei was quick to reply. "Speaking of bars. Two guys walked into one. The third one ducked."

"I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off." Ace said as he placed his hands into his pockets. 

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted." Junpei said, and Ace shook his head with a smile.

"Why did Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse." Ace said, watching the smile across Junpei's face grow.

"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y." Junpei said, noticing half of the others around them had their heads in their hands. Others were ignoring them completely. But all were annoyed immensely. Except maybe Snake, who was smiling to himself. 

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection." Ace says, an almost shocking start to a bad joke. "The Judge says, 'first offender?' She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!' "

"I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!" The two of them had slowly spoken louder and prouder with every worse and worse joke.

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans." Junpei snickered at that joke from Ace, before speaking his own.

"How do you make holy water?" Junpei asked, and before he could complete it, Ace finished it for him.

"You boil the hell out of it." 

Junpei let out a whistle, and Ace smiled proudly. "Still, the ultimate joke of all, Junpei... The ultimate joke... is you." The older man said, placing a hand on the shoulder of the younger one.

It was at that moment that the clock struck the hour, and they needed to get moving. Which some of those who witnessed The Joke War of Door Number Nine said to be the blessing of a god so that event wouldn't continue on.

\----- -----

Junpei held on tightly to the seatbelt that he thankfully had around him. Without it, he wondered if he would feel even less safe than he already did. Then again, feeling less safe than he did seemed almost impossible right now. Considering that -

"I'm not exactly sure why we let Clover drive!" Junpei called out into the jumping car as it sped through the sand. Then, he heard clambering from behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he soon saw Ace poke his head over the top of the backseat.

"Hello not exactly sure why we let Clover drive, I'm Ace." He said, seeming proud of himself for still doing the joke even when it was a completely ridiculous circumstance. The car broke out into complaining almost immediately afterwards. 

Except for Junpei, who smiled at Ace as he smiled to himself. 

"You make the worst dad jokes!" Seven complained, throwing his hands upwards cautiously as not to hit anything in the small space. One of his hands was holding his hat still as he was wringing it in worry since the start of the drive.

"Yeah, do you even have any kids?!" A voice, Clover, called from the front of the car. The comment caused Ace to laugh, and it was a lot more relaxed than any laugh he'd heard from Ace through the whole game.

"I don't have any children, no." Junpei could see his eyes moving around the car, looking at the figures of those sitting in the jeep. From Lotus and Clover in the front to the mostly quiet Snake at the window nearby to even Junpei himself.

"Though, to be honest, after those nine hours, I regard you all as my children more than anyone else."

**Author's Note:**

> Despite all of the things he did, I really like Ace. I'm just saying. Consider this (one of) my posts of appreciation to the guy.


End file.
